BB8: Why Did It All Go Wrong?

The launch night got good viewing figures topping eight million, which quickly halved. Half those who left must have been realised that it wouldn’t really start until there were an equalish number of men in there, and the other half actually like watching young good-looking guys, anyway, never mind whether it had “started” or not.

With four million viewers disappearing overnight BB clearly panicked. Then Emily left, quickly followed by Lesley, and things were not going at all to plan ( whatever the plan was – there must have been one ), so BB decided that instead of the fluffy-bunny womanly-goodliness which would surely engineer a female winner they fell back on the only story that was happening, the tried and tested story of the controversial housemate: Charley.

So the more Charley made the papers, the more BB decided to keep her in. This may have completely destroyed their original plans ( they wanted an eviction two nights in, remember ) and may have stopped even more people watching, but BB figured if she went then even fewer people would watch.

Still, you can only go so far in fixing nominations, and when finally Charley had bored anyone still watching to distraction, they decided she had to go. So, as another distraction, five new housemates came in the night she left.

What to do with them? They didn’t know! And then Chanelle walked, destroying the only story left – the Chiggy Romance! More panic! Two of the newbies left the next week, and another the next. They couldn’t get rid of two more the week after that, that would have looked silly, so they abandoned nominations, put most of them up, made sure Ziggy and Liam stayed, and sacrificed Gerry. They had to save Carole, because, now that Charley was gone, she was the only one people were talking about.

By now Brian was the runaway favourite. What to do? Join Samanda together! They took the lead, only for Brian to snatch it back in the least watched final ever. So that didn’t work either. What a shambles.

So what about the future? They’ve lost well over a million viewers on last year. And CBB isn’t going to happen either. I wonder how long this can go on.

Look at the figures: £244,208 was raised for charity from the phone-voting. Given that “at least” 10p came from each vote, that means that a maximum of 2.4 million votes were cast for the entire series, even though the cost had halved from last year.

Which means there were almost the same number of votes cast this series as there was to evict Adele in BB3. And that’s not a totting up of all the votes cast the week Adele was evicted, but to evict Adele alone. She was up against Jade that week, remember.

It’s not just the money that’s being lost, it’s the sense of audience participation. We decide. Now there’s fewer we to do it. Who knows, maybe next year the only people voting will be relatives of the housemates and betting syndicates. Is this really what they wanted?

Next year, they’ll be fighting off an ever bigger Britain’s Got Talent, which will then be followed by Euro 2008. It won’t be easy, and judging by past performance, they’ll no doubt make a bigger hash of things than they have the last couple of years. Amazing what a brilliant programme it is, considering how much they mess it up.

Anyway, time to go. May as well go and watch Brian some more. I find this strangely moving. Thirteen weeks, yet it’s the only time in the entire show when one person is in there, alone: Samanda, remember, went in together.

See you next year! And thanks for all the comments - tet606, 808tet, Mrs. X, Daphne, Livvie, Norvik and anyone else I've forgotten. Without you kids, where would I be?

Yoghurt Tops

Excluding Pauline, there were 23 housemates this series. Too many of course, but none, given the right mix, were mistakes. Some have underperformed, not done what they said they would, but nonetheless, in a normal BB each has his place.

However, if I’d been running it this year, I’d have told Emily, Samanda, Brian, and Chanelle to come back in three years’ time.

I’d have then put Lesley, Carole, Tracey, Nicky, Charley, Kara-Louise, Laura, and Shabnam in the main house.

I’d have put Jonathan, Billi, Seany, Ziggy, Liam, Gerry, and David in the halfway house.

Shanessa, Amy, and Jonty would have been put on stand-by for any walkers.

In the first week I’d have had all the halfway housemates competing to get into the main, with the public voting to save, One would be evicted. After that the two houses would merge.

Normal Monday nominations, normal Friday evictions, consistent punishment for rule-breaking. And a maximum of four contestants on finals night, with the voting starting from scratch each time, rather than resuming from where it left off.

Double the prize money too. If they can give a hundred grand to Liam just for turning up, clearly our production have plenty of cash to spare.

It’s supposed to be a competition. Make it one.

Anyway, here’s Brian freaking out. The fact that you won't have seen this on any highlights package speaks volumes about how badly this series did.

BB8: Where Did It All Go Wrong?

When a football team scores a winner in the last minute of injury time, it doesn’t mean the game was a classic. Thus, just because Brian blasted a thirty yard screamer past the hapless Samanda at the end doesn’t make this a classic series.

So, where did it all go wrong?

1. The All-women start. Why? I actually enjoyed it, but I’d still like to know what the point was. If it was to create a loving, girlie fluffy bunny pinky atmosphere then somebody changed their mind pretty rapidly when it suddenly became the Charley Show.

2. Too many youngsters. People often say there are too many wannabes. But there were 23 housemates this year which means they each had a 4% chance of winning, so being a wannabe makes good sense. But the real problem is that there were too many youngsters: Samanda, Emily, Chanelle, Brian, all 20 or under. Fair enough, stick a couple in, but not that many. Old people argue too, remember. Look at Lesley, look at Carole, look at George Galloway. Stop trying to turn this into a Club18-30 holiday camp.

3. Big Brother does not take rule breaking at all seriously. Emily was removed for using the N-word. We now know that Charley and Ziggy were warned for using it. The explanation given first time around was usage not context, which gives Channel 4 no wiggle room for the repeat offenders: no mitigating circumstances, no special pleading, and nothing about offensiveness perceived, caused, or potential to cause. In short, they changed the rules. Same with nominations talk. Billi got his nominations swiped. Others were left alone, and Charley had to wear a leg-iron for the evening. Different rules for different people.

4. The Charley Show. Why? Was it just because she was the one getting the headlines? Evictions were fixed – twice - to keep her in there. Worse, they knew it. Even worse, they knew it was because she wasn’t popular, but because she wasn’t. How naff was that?

5. The Fake Eviction. Lousy idea and they knew something was up. Just kept Charley in there for yet another week.

6. The Liam Gift. Whose bright idea was it to give Liam a hundred grand?

7. The Halfway House. Late entrants should only come in as replacements for walkers, not as a “Shock Twist”. Last year Jayne came in, telling them who was popular and who wasn’t. This year Kara-Louise did the same. Still, if you’re going to bring in Newbies, bring them in at the right time. This lot were brought in just when the Originals were about to turn on each other.

8. Samanda. Lumping them together at the point where their differences were starting to shine.

9. The Gerry/Carole showdown. Seen it, been there, got the tee-shirt. If you’re going to do a naff twist, why not do one we haven’t seen before?

10. Diary Room secrets. It's supposed to be sacrosanct. The one place people can go to let their hair down. Not any more.

11. Double interviews. Double evictions are bad enough, but double interviews? Forgeddaboutit.

12. Finals night. Lame, rushed, sanitised, interviews. Davina gurning. No highlights show, nor even the very end bit where they play back the voices as the lights go dim.

I could go on. You've probably got your own, and you may even have liked a few. Some, undoubtedly gave the show tension - but mostly, only in the short term. But what do they all boil down to? It’s supposed to be a competition. Every twist was designed to stop it being one. Why?

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Hats Off to Brian!

I got that wrong didn't I? Not half as wrong as the chap who stuck fifty thousand quid on the twins, though.

Carole, on the other hand, did get it right, predicting the six in the exact order.

Still it just goes to show that sometimes the bookies, and I, mess up. I wonder why. Maybe Samanda fans only vote once, whereas Brian fans voted loads. Maybe too there was a backlash against the way BB had manipulated things in their favour. You sort of have to wonder what a girl has to do to win this show. BB sticks the house full of women, joins two of them up, still the lad wins.

These days not so many people vote, either. For the first five series BB used to tell us not just the percentage, but the numbers, which was in the millions. Now, it's a state secret. After last year's fiasco, it must have really dwindled. And the type of person who votes must have changed. There must be loads of people who decided after the attempt to bring Nikki back last year that they'd never vote again. That leaves a much smaller sample, and type of person, who'd bother to vote now.

What about the interviews? All pretty tame, really. Jonty and Carole were evicted together, presumably to make sure nobody viewed Carole. Jonty just giggled all the way through, so maybe it was just as well his was so short. Carole was good, but Davina fed her the lines. Poor Carole. She'll need a stiff drink when she reads some of the stuff people have written about her. And when she finds out that her snail's dead.

Ziggy was even more awkward than I expected. In a way, he got off lightly, just being asked about Chanelle the whole time, with everything being kept at the "did you fancy her?" level. It's like Davina thought she was talking to a 16 year old after his first date. The same could be said about the laddish but likeable Liam, who was asked about Amy for most of it.

Samanda? Not much, but I don't think we expected much either. And Brian was just his usual goofy self.

All in all, Davina kept things light. No sign of Emily, and as much as possible of the conversation was about "lurve". It's a girlie show all the way now, isn't it?

Here are the percentages. It's not a percentage of the final vote, but of the vote when the count starts. So, Jonty had 3% when the first vote was taken, and Carole got 4.9%. Ziggy got 15.3, Liam got 19.1, Samanda got 39, and Brian got 61. Make of that what you will.

There isn't going to be a highlights show, either, just a reunion on BBLB. Why not?

Brian wins BB8

Read all about it here.

And the Winner of Big Brother 2008 is...

The Sun are suggesting that Brian might be creeping up on Samanda. Well he might, but that doesn't mean he has a chance. He hasn't. Still, they did this last year, I recall, claiming that Glyn was closing in on Pete. Again, maybe he was, but Glyn still lost, and Brian is about to lose tonight.

Good. It was when he asked if "My Way" was being sung by Cliff Richard that finally did it for me. He knew the words, but somehow pretended to think it was Cliff. I know Big Brother is partly about acting, putting on a performance, and we shouldn't expect "real life" from a tv show, but this is too far. Brian's act annoys me. Worse, I reckon that deep down he is a far more interesting person and I'd like to have seen other sides to him.

Carole. She's totally relaxed. Why? She's made the final. I may be in a minority, but I still think she never expected to win. Indeed, she wanted to be a kingmaker, and so long as either Liam or Ziggy wins she'll be happy. Neither will, so she won't. On the other hand, she doesn't dislike the twins ( who does? ) so she'll be okay with that too. Carole has a talent for adapting to circumstances. That's why she's still there.

Liam. Nice guy, can be a bit paranoid. But then so can the others. A bit too laddish too. I still wish he'd walked when he got the hundred thousand pounds. Not because I haven't enjoyed watching him, but because it really would have scuppered that little "twist".

Jonty. That laugh. I reckon that's what got him onto the show, but the more I hear of it, the more I squirm.

Ziggy. He's turned into Aisleyne. Desperately convinced the public hate him, desperate to get out of there. You can't win with that attitude, and you don't really deserve to. If he'd developed a backbone and stopped being so self-conscious the prize was there for the taking. Even so, I'd still like him to win, but then I wanted Jason to win in BB5. But that's me - I tend to identify with the ones who suffer, not the ones who enjoy it.

Samanda. Hard not to love. Sweet, sensitive, and nice. What's not to like? But they have had it easy. Everyone else went in alone. They didn't. And then they got paired up. I wonder what would have happened if Ziggy and Chanelle had asked to be treated as one housemate.

Anyway, tonight's their night. It's not the show it was. Perhaps it never could offer the sheer novelty and "realism" that BB1 offered. Here's how they did it then. The closest ever finish: Anna versus Craig.

How much more of a contest it was. How much more real they all were. How much more respect they were given. How much better Davina was.

The Battle for Second

We all know who's going to win, but who's going to come second? Since BB3, it's almost always tended to be a jack-the-lad figure. Anna and Helen came second the first two years, but then we had Johnny, Ray, and Jason all in a row. In BB6, Anthony altered the pattern by actually winning, and last year, Glyn got there.

This year it's definitely going to be a bloke. Carole is coming in sixth, and Jonty is going to come fifth.

So really, it's a fight between Ziggy, Liam, and Brian. Liam fits the bill perfectly, but he's already got a hundred thousand quid in his pocket. Ziggy is a bit too, dare I say it, posh. And there's a lot of people out there who still resent his behaviour with Chanelle, and his general self-consciousness.

Until the Samanda link-up, Brian was the firm favourite. So you'd think he'd take it. But his goofiness has started to irritate. Still, given that Samanda are going to win this by getting about 80%, 20% divided between five doesn't leave much a margin of error.

In other words, it'll be tight.

But does it matter? I always feel sorry for them. At least if you're sixth, say, you know you could never have won it. But second? You've been in there for three months, you're seconds away from winning, then suddenly it's over. You try and smile while the other person jumps around in ecstasy, then you have to climb the stairs, smiling away for a quick interview with Davina. And all that time you must be thinking: NOOOOOO! So close? What did I do wrong?

And who, apart from me, actually remembers them? They never seem to go off to fame and fortune.

I can see Ziggy getting modelling contracts and lots of interviews - a lot of them helped by the Chanelle factor. But Liam and Brian? They will fade away, I'd have thought. Still, they've been good chaps both, and I hope they don't feel too resentful when they realise that the Samanda merger completely destroyed their chances.

Anyway, here's Jonny putting a brave face on it.

And here's Jason, being civl to his arch enemy Nadia.

Twins favourite to win

Ladbrokes say the twins are hot favourites to win, giving odds of 1/6.

Brian's in second with 7/2, then it's Liam on 16/1, Ziggy on 50/1 with Carole and Jonty on 66/1.

Carole versus Ziggy

Except it isn't. I wonder why not. Davina hyped it up on Friday's BBLB, and then later on the main show. Last night we and they were all primed for it, and then they go and tell them it's a fake.

Strange. It might have made for good viewing. As it is, the Super Seven have all settled down and become the best of friends. It's quite refreshing to see the housemates getting along together, especially when you think back to how things were in the first two months, but you'd have thought a nice little midweek eviction might spice things up a little.

I've never quite got the six ( or this year ) seven in the final thing, either. If you were boss of the FA, you wouldn't have the quarter-finals, semi-finals and final all on the same night, would you? In BB1, they had four with two weeks to go. And they nominated, leaving Craig, Darren, and Anna for the final week. In BB2 they had four in the last week, eviction Elizabeth the night before. In BB3 there were four on the last night.

Since then it's mushroomed to six. I had high hopes when this year's CBB went back down to four for the final night. Maybe they'd learned their lesson! Seems not.

Altogether it's another fabled BB8 mystery, to go alongside Richard Madeley ( which we think was solved yesterday ), the washing machine, the spiral staircase, and the bullseye. Again, Davina hyped them all up on the opening night, then... zilch.

But then again, this has been one of the strangest Big Brother's ever. Like last night's task - how come a task invented by Brian and Liam is better, funnier, and more visually entertaining than anything dreamt up by the production team all summer?

Still, it's been better than last year, anyway. At least we've had a changing favourite. At times Ziggy, Laura, Liam, Brian, Gerry and Chanelle have all been there or thereabouts. Now of course, it's over, with Samanda being handed the crown. Compare this to last year, when it was Pete Pete Pete. Boring.

It's also affected the relationships. With everyone knowing Pete would win, the housemates really stopped bothering. Everything stagnated. Aside from Aisleyne and Imogen, I don't think I changed my mind about any of them in the long thirteen weeks of the show. This year, there have been times I've really liked Samanda, Chanelle, Carole, Ziggy, Liam, Tracey, and Brian. And then other times I thought they were total pillocks. There was even a strange week where I found myself warming to Charley.

That, of course, is the beauty of the show. Changing your mind about people.