TOON BARMY

Better than being outspent by bitter rivals Sunderland.

Better than missing out on a raft of crowd-pleasing playmakers.

And better than watching Michael Owen turn from crowd hero to contract rebel after finally getting fit.

But the Magpies are in a flap after a close season spent clutching at straws.

And it is no wonder those who follow Newcastle dis-United fear another campaign down among the dead men.

Pity poor Kevin Keegan — the man who promised to realise the dreams of the club he famously ditched more than a decade ago.

When KK first bossed the black and whites he was like a kid in a sweet shop as he splashed the cash on world-beaters.

Second time around and Keegan has been forced to dip his hand in the Premier League pick ‘n’ mix.

And all the while sugar daddy Mike Ashley has failed to give Newcastle fans the sweetener of some of Europe’s biggest names.

Deco, Luka Modric and Pablo Aimar top the list of talented stars feted by United and fed up with the club’s penny-pinching policy.

And Keegan has made it clear he is no mood to let many more get away.

Under previous owner Sir John Hall, the Toon boss dangled the carrot of mega-wages to lure the likes of Alan Shearer, David Ginola and Tino Asprilla to Tyneside.

And Newcastle earned a reputation for throwing money at clubs across Europe in a determined effort to get their men. But Ashley has called for an end to those frivolous ways. And it is a more frugal United board which has found it impossible to compete with the top clubs in crafting a squad capable of competing for honours.

Some fans may admire the new regime’s decision to tighten the Toon’s belt after millions have been wasted on top-flight flops.

But the majority don’t care about the mistakes of the past — they want a free-scoring Keegan-style side for the future.

And what makes things worse is what Roy Keane is doing just down the road.

Unlike Keegan, the Sunderland boss has been given a war chest worthy of respect.

And unlike Keegan, the Black Cats’ boss has been able to land most of his top targets.

Newcastle might still be seen as the bigger club. But there is nothing big about picking up Liverpool reserves and unknown foreigners.

And the longer Ashley keeps the purse strings tightened the sooner Sunderland will leapfrog their old foes from north of the Tyne.

If Keegan can get the majority of his big names fit then it isn’t all bad news for the black and whites.

But that’s a big if.

Owen, Mark Viduka and Damien Duff aren’t exactly blessed with unblemished fitness records over the last few years.

And without three of the Premier League’s top performers at the top of their game week-in, week-out this will be a long old season for the Geordies.

Once again things look bleak at the back and Geordie boy Steven Taylor must be wondering why he inked a new long-term deal.

Without experienced stoppers around him the England Under-21 skipper’s form is bound to dip.

And there is only so much responsibility this old head on young shoulders can handle. Losing Stephen Carr and Celestine Babayaro earlier this summer didn’t cause too many Toon fans to lose sleep.

But at least both were top-flight veterans and experienced internationals.

And both are natural full-backs.

Keegan has worked around the clock to fill the problem positions of right-back and left-back and still seems short of cover.

But then that’s the theme throughout a Newcastle squad which looks like the weakest for some years.

And even Keegan’s magic might not be enough to get United back where they belong — or even into the top eight.

That is the incredibly modest target for the Toon this season but it already appears well out of reach. And an opening day thumping at the hands of reigning champions Manchester United will hardly lift morale and confidence at a club in crisis.

Keegan has a habit of quitting. And who could blame him if he walks again?

KEY TRANSFERS

IN: Jonas Gutierrez (Real Mallorca) undisc; Danny Guthrie (Liverpool, right) £2.5m.

OUT: David Rozehnal (Lazio) £2.9m; Peter Ramage (QPR) free.

SCORE PREDICTION: 10th

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