Aliens Vs Predator - Requiem

A close encounter of the turd kind - directed by a pair of ex-special effects types called The Brothers Strause.

Which is apt.

Cos the name of those other famous brothers - Grimm — doesn't even begin to do things justice.

The time is now, the place small-town America.

Aliens have infested a Predator spacecraft, which crash-lands on earth.

Its cargo facehuggers and a nasty Pred-Alien hybrid start causing havoc. So a Predator comes along to clean up the mess, all stealthy-like.

Which entails stomping around town looking like one half of Milli Vanilli with a colander on his head, leaving a huge trail of human bodies in his wake.

Well, maybe 'human' is being a bit generous.

A sorry parade of one-note eejits just begging to be killed off would be more accurate.

Including perpetually randy blonde Jesse (Kristen Hager), her idiot wannabe-boyfriend Ricky (Johnny Lewis), and Iraq vet and token tough chick Kelly.

11_01_aliens2She's played by Reiko Aylesworth, who seems to have been chosen solely on the grounds that she looks like Sigourney Weaver in the original Alien movies.

And there sure as heck isn't any other reason I could see.

After ten or so minutes of sitting through their miserable back stories, you'll be even more desperate to kill them than the Aliens are.

Take this romantic exchange between Ricky and Jesse, for example.

"You're looking at me, Ricky. You look at me the same way in class."

"Yeah, the clock's behind you."

Just one of many dodgy lines from the pen of scriptwriter Shane Salerno.

A man suffering from a tragic addiction to the old action movie cliché of making people say one thing, then having the exact opposite happen about 30 seconds later. Such as:

"You're gonna make it." (He dies.)

"This is suicide." (They live.)

And last and, very emphatically, least: "The US government doesn't lie to people." (The US government promises the townsfolk they'll be evacuated - shortly before nuking them.)

In fairness, it's not a film one goes to see for the sparkling dialogue.

And some of it is so chuffin' awful ("People are dying. We need guns.") that it actually raises an unintentional giggle.

Problem is, everything else is cack as well.

The effects are unremarkable.

Decent scares - there are none.

And suspense and atmosphere is ditched in favour of out-and-out vileness, including such non-treats as kids and pregnant women getting killed on camera.

In a way, Aliens Vs Predator—Requiem is a bit of a camp masterpiece - the dialogue's SO bad, the acting SO shoddy, and the story SO shambolic that in a sense it's a real achievement.

But in another sense, it's not - it's just awful.

And only hardcore sci-fi fanboys will extract much enjoyment out of it.

Unless I've totally missed the point and, in the proud tradition of Showgirls and Starship Troopers, it's one of those 'it's supposed to be rubbish' films.

In which case - it's mission accomplished.

Interested? Watch the trailer below...

 

 

Your comments

bob

The review is spot on. A really big disappointment for all the fans of the franchise. I just hope we won't get to see more of the Strause hacks.

lol

u review sucks u idiots

Chris

I respect your opinion, and it seems to be one a lot of people share. But I didn't go in expecting anything amazing, I was entertained by the film, and that's good enough for me.


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