Elegy

By Robbie Collin

GOOD old Penelope Cruz. Doesn’t matter how highbrow the movie, Pen will somehow find a way to squeeze a nude scene in.

And in that respect, Elegy does not disappoint. In that respect, anyway.

Ben Kingsley stars as David Kepesh: Intellectual, broadcaster and all-round scarf-wearing berk who can’t even go to the loo without referencing Tolstoy.

Kepesh falls for his sexy student Consuela (Penelope, hot as ever) and the pair embark on a passionate affair that’s somehow both a) steamy as hell, and b) as miserably pretentious as an episode of Newsnight Review.

On the positive side? Penelope Cruz spends most of the first half of the film without her kit on.

On the negative side? She’s normally being slobbered over by Kingsley, who looks like Gollum’s randy uncle.

Elegy isn’t a bad film. It’s just sickeningly highbrow. Most right-thinking people will find it just too darn smug for its own good.